chuckle monster.

On days I want to be cute & reflect that in a random design I create:

stumped

Designing logos can get frustrating. I'm not really frustrated. Just distracted/finding inspiration to design more. This is all I have so far. Eh...


On a lighter note, I've uploaded photos of my photography! Hazah! I don't see myself as a pro, but simply a lover of capturing life as precious & momentous as it is. Peep it! Flickr.com/people/rawralyrawr

flickr

Slowly, but surely, my personal website/portfolio is coming together. Below is the site where I'll put my photography. I'm not a professional photographer or anything, but I enjoy capturing simple things that symbolize life & society, & how we're all intertwined into it.

(flickr.com/photos/rawralyrawr)

panda attack!

Another productive day at work... er... O_O

workin' on it

When I'm not as occupied at work...
(This is what my fascination with vampires, monsters, zombies & werewolves has got me to create)















What do you think?

Help!

Wow, so it's been almost three months since I've updated this, & said I would with creative works. Unfortunately, to no avail, I've lost my drive to do so. I have all these ideas in my head, which give me the motivation to want to make this blog into something not inspiring to only myself, but others as well, however the pursuit of actually executing these ideas never come to see the light of day. I'm sure there is a solution to my unmotivation, but what tactics do you use once upon realization of this problem to achieve what you need to be accomplished? Any suggestions? Your help is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

case of the mondays

So, I created some random sayings that I said & heard throughout my day. I'm going to start designing & posting these to show how I've progressed in my skills, & to keep my creativity flowing.

**Wow, I totally didn't mean to design these synchronized with the color scheme.  It was all coincidental, by the way**

let's do this

Finding my creative self again. I definitely need to change this blog now since my actual website no longer exists. Look out for new updates soon!

Things I've done, despite my lack of creativity:

lost... again

I'm at that point in my life where I wish things were going my way.  They have been, or maybe it did.  I actually don't know, but I still feel I'm not where I want to be.  I'm nowhere near 25, but will be turning 24 soon (mark your calendars: Sept. 10).  Am I going through my quarter-life crisis... again?!

Being in Virginia, I feel stuck.  My brother left for the Peace Corps, so I'm forced to stay until he returns & to be there more for my parents, especially my mother.  However, it's been two days since I've kept contact with her, & I know I should be better about keeping in touch since I'm their only child within close proximity, but it's hard.  It's difficult especially since I have a life of my own & I can't stand the sight of seeing my mother cry.  Cry her eyes out about not wanting my brother to leave, or blaming me for him leaving, or his overall well-being living in a 3rd world country.

I feel no matter what, no matter who I'm associated with, I'll always have the past haunting me.  It's a lot of history to shake off & it's not that I want to forget it.  I'm not even sure if I want to move on from it.  It has shaped me & my life now, so should I even leave it?  No matter how hard I try it's always there.  I read a lot into signs & usually believe in them, so does it all mean something?  In my heart I feel it does, but others think/know otherwise.  Usually I'd take heart into what other's see, but with my stubbornness & tenacity to feel more of what's in my heart I go with my instincts, & hold off with what else is said.

Career-wise I enjoy doing what I do, but I know it's something I don't want to do for the rest of my life.  I did a total 360 from what I graduated to what I do now.  I've always wanted to be where I am now.  Hell, that's the reason why I wanted to do graphic design in the first place.  However, advertising still appeals to me.  Just the dynamics of it attracts me to want to be a designer for an art director & eventually an art director once being in the business for a while.  Thus, leading to my ultimate dream/goal of having my own agency or somewhere along those lines.  I don't know if this is a possibility, though, because I need to already have experience in that field & the only experience I have is what I've done in my portfolio classes in college & then volunteering for the Addy awards, if that's even considered experience at all.  Even if I wanted to get back into the game, I'd have to at least go to grad school & get into the business that way.  But I don't know, the way that I am/think I know I want to do it on my own without going to grad school, which may be tough, but I feel I can do it... somehow.  I know I need to take a risk & figure out when to do it, but is now really the right time?

I know I'm fucking awesome inside & out, but I feel no one of the opposite sex notices.  I don't even want to be tied down at the moment, but it is nice knowing I can attract the right people & have the attention of others agreeing how awesome I am.  Maybe it's also because I miss the perks of having a significant other who is the guy version of me.  I believe in tradition in the sense of the guy making the effort to catch my eye & not the other way around.  Lately it has been me making moves & quite frankly I'm tired of it because I feel it's getting me nowhere.  I hate wasting my breath for nothing because I feel I'm just wasting that fraction of my life where I could've been using it on something more interesting.

Sigh, will I get what I truly deserve?  Or will it take a while since it's "the secret" that will have to catch me by surprise since it sounds like I'm putting too many expectations on things I shouldn't be?  Stupid life, stop being so simplistically complicated.

Something I did on the sly:

neue

It's not a new year, but I feel a lot of change is coming.

Today my brother left to go to Africa for the Peace Corps.  He actually does not leave until tomorrow, but it was the last time I physically saw my brother.  That is, until he returns two years from now.  My mother has not taken it well, so far.  I had gone out for a run when I returned back to their house only to find my mother meeting me at the door, crying hysterically about how she did not want him to go & that she wanted him back.  She cried for me to call him at the hotel he stayed at, which I did, but to no avail he was not there.  Seeing my mother like this breaks my heart.  I now know I definitely need to be there more for my parents, & will have to put my plans on a hold until my brother returns.  I guess I will now know what it is like to be an only child for a bit.

Yesterday I received a reckless ticket while driving back home to drop off my brother from a dinner we had out of town on top of trying to make it on time for work.  Honestly, I am a safe driver who uses their turn signal when necessary, is usually defensive when on the road, & always in the middle of reckless drivers.  However there are moments when I am pressed for time, & may have to rush to get where I need to be.  Unfortunately, it is at times when the authorities catch me at my worse when in reality they should have been there for all the times I see other drivers driving more reckless than my speeding.  This is my second time receiving this offense & I do not know how this will turn out.  I am just really hoping nothing bad, but overpriced fees will be the consequence of this all.  Looks like this is the end of the little Asian speed racer that flows through my blood.

Another mishap concerning yesterday was the mysterious lost of a somewhat large sum of money in my purse.  Money usually does not phase me & I do not let it get the best of me, but it is so frustrating to know I did have this sum of money, but it is nowhere to be found.  I have lost between $500-$1000 within this month from my vacation in California, bills & general infrequent spending.  I do know how to budget my money if you are thinking otherwise.  I just think it is the economy that affects everywhere no matter if you have a job, or not.  I definitely can not spend money for a good two months or so.

My website expired not too long ago.  I was not given an email warning me & asking to renew.  I am not sure if it is because it might have been sent to my old email that I had deleted, but I swear it was set up with my current email address.  Since I do not have the funds to renew it, or even purchase a new web host/domain, I have to resort to using my blog as my portfolio/personal site.  This is tricky since I need to figure out how to convert my regular blog into an actual website.  Sleep deprivation will soon become a part of my life.

It seems as if one problem arises another appears, & it ends up snowballing into a disaster known as my life.  Despite this all, however, I have kept my cool & stayed optimistic.  I am not going to lie when I say that my mood has turned a bit "emo," but this feeling is beyond better than if it was my old self handling all this.  I forgot how it was to feel like this since I have been feeling like I was on top of the world for a few months.  I feel like this feeling is forever, but I know it will pass.  I just need to focus on what needs improvement & to go on from there.

Since I am making this my portfolio/personal site now I will try to post as much designs & art that I have created starting with these flyers for two events I am helping plan:

weekend lessons

*Denotes a conglomerate of people I truly care about

Another weekend gone & already I'm anticipating for next weekend to roll by.  However, I don't have to wait for the weekend to come since I'll be enjoying the California sun come this Wednesday.  Finally, an actual vacation from the real world... sorta.  Although I'll be living it up, mostly with family, on the West coast, I'll definitely miss the ones I care about.  Yes, that's correct.  You* :]

This weekend, like most that have passed, was one to remember.  Roaming around Hampton Roads to run errands, support a friend, fine dine (ok, so it wasn't that classy, but it was still dining & fine to me) with eclectic minds, hang out with people you normally would not, or have not seen in a while.  Basically, having an adventure that is not only an experience gained, but a life lesson learned.

So, what's this lesson I've learned you wonder?  It's similar to all the lessons I've learned actually.  Life's too short to dwell in the past.  Look at what you've got now & work that into your future.  Besides this point, I've also learned that there's nothing wrong in taking risks... when it comes to love.  I finally got to hang out with my virgo connection & we saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  I thought it was an excellent movie & it made me wonder about love & the silly things it does to you.  I'm not gonna lie, I've done stupid things for love, but at what cost?  Only to feel a temporary high & then once it's gone, only to feel at a low point of your life waiting for the next high to come again.  Sounds like a drug & honestly, I don't wanna be hurt because you know, that's what drugs can do.  Then again, it's love & who wants to find themselves alone?

For a while, I've found myself at this position.  Fighting the mixed emotions of wanting to & then not caring to be loved again.  You've always got to look out for #1, right?  Only care about yourself since that's what matters in the end.  Well, as I'm typing out these words, that still stands true in my heart, but it doesn't hurt to let your guard down every once in a while to let love in.  Especially when it's that love that is/was true to your heart.  No matter what happens.  No matter what risks I take, or the opportunities I allow or pass up on.  I'll give love a chance not because it's what everyone wants, nor because it's something we all can't live without.  I'll simply take it as what I feel in my heart because it's always the intuition that knows what's best.  And usually that's the most honest things will get (it's funny to know I now know the meaning of what these love songs the Beatles, Lenny Kravitz & other artists sang about.  Yes, they really do have an actual meaning & aren't just catchy tunes forever embedded in your head).

Life is simple.  It really is.  It's like a puzzle.  Once you figure it out, the rest is easy.  How is it we form these little implications that make it complicated?  I guess that's where boredom & drama come in.

untitled

As I sit here at work listening to The Smiths & attempting to design another shirt, I find myself at ease.  Not necessarily at peace, but just calm.  My horoscope, as usual, is correct.  Despite everything going on around me, I can sense everything is somewhat at a standstill.  I'm not sure as to what it is I have all my energies at a halt for, but whatever it is I hope it gets me to a point in my life where I'll have everything I've deserved & that I am satisfied.  This sounds like I'm talking about the end of the world.  Is it?  It seems as if we've come across an unknown frontier.

The future is coming.  Are you ready for it?  I think I'm just about ready to embrace it.

the times they are a changin'

**Disclaimer: The following blog is composed of raw opinions that shouldn't be taken serious, but most definitely considered. Apologies for the random rambling in advance**

Sorry it's been a while since I've last posted a blog. Surprisingly, my life has been busy even though it's more of my social life that's got me occupied, & not work or side projects I've yet to start/complete.

Things have started to look up for me lately. Well, actually it hasn't been that recent. More like a month or so ago. I've been able to look at the world at different perspectives & begun to understand that there's more out there in the world no matter how difficult the struggles you're going through can be. Although I have been good in keeping my thoughts positive & not let negativity ruin them, today was a different story.

Maybe it was the people around me, the change in the weather, or maybe there's no real reason at all, but today felt like a day where I could just leave it all. Suicidal or not? Sounds a bit like it, but honestly I have no reason to take my own life. I have a good job, friends & family that love me & definitely a lot more opportunities coming in my way. Take it however you may, I just feel so... asldkf;jasl;fj;alsjf;ajflaj. There's actually no specific word to pin it, but maybe explaining how I feel can help define it.

You know the feeling you get when you just don't care anymore? Not because you're sad, mad, depressed, etc. Or the feeling that sometimes it's better to be alone or better off without this & that because, really, you ARE better than whatever it is you're better than? I'm not sure if all of this is making sense, but that's just how I feel. It's not really towards a particular person or thing, or a situation of that matter. It's literally just how I feel. Maybe the word I'm looking for is a word synonymous to indifferent. Or maybe that is the word I'm looking for.

I feel like wandering for miles around the Earth. Taking in the sights & sounds, & appreciating the little details that entail this journey of life. I think this is just what I need. To get out of where I am & to expand my mind with what else makes this the world the way it is. Is this what a quarter-century life crisis is? Or am I starting to believe that there is no hope for society & that is why we are all so fixated on pop culture & its trends? I don't know. Sometimes I think no one ever really knows what I'm saying or thinking & I think it's sad. I wish people would see how much more there is out there because then I'd have someone else to talk about philosophical things & know that life isn't so predictable. I mean, I'm no revolutionist or saint with the way I'm talking about what I'm talking about because I definitely find myself indulging in pop culture trends, but hey! I'm only human.

I seriously think I just need a vacation...

Life may be predictable 99% of the time, but it's that 1% that makes you wonder why that is & most definitely is the reason why.

what is happiness?

**Disclaimer:  This isn't a fact.  It's merely a theory.  Hope you enjoy!**

About a little over five years ago, a reporter for the 757 column of the Virginian Pilot approached me when I was with my brother at the former Relative Theory records store in Norfolk, VA.  She was asking random cool kids in the store what their definition of happiness was.  Surprisingly, she approached me & asked me what I thought the meaning was.  This was hard.  I pondered for a second & being the naive youth I was simply stated:  "being loved."  At the time, everything had fallen into place in my life & I was in love.  Little do I know now, this was wrong.

Don't get me wrong.  Love is a many splendrous thing.  However, love can be complicated & there are more emotions that come with it besides happiness.  Tonight was one of those nights where I had an epiphany.  Well, I don't think I just realized it at that moment, but I damn well understood it now.  Happiness just isn't being in love or loved.  It's not just having everything in your life fall into place.  It's those small details in life that is happiness.  Think about it.  For me, playing my iPod on shuffle while driving in my car & it so happens all the songs it plays are the perfect songs that play at those exact moments.  Or, finding a random dollar bill in your pocket of something you haven't worn in a while.  Even being there for a friend or family member when you least expect it & the joy you feel just making their day better when you had no intentions of it.  To me, that is happiness.  The minor things in life that we all take for granted.  If only I had known back then what I do now.  I think I'd be a very well-rounded person ahead of her time.

I don't know all the answers in life, but I do know the lessons that come out of it.

random

Sometimes when I'm at work, there tends to be a lot of downtime & moments where I'll be bored, or just try to design something in general. Moments like yesterday got me thinking and this is what I created when I got tired from designing:

Other times when i'm at work just checking my email, I'll get mail from Salemail telling me what brands I like, or might be interested in that are having sales. I hate it because it makes me wanna buy things I don't need, or might, but just isn't the right time to buy it.  It's times like these when I wish a ridiculous amount of money would fall onto my lap out of nowhere.

Then when still at work, there's an email like this that makes me wanna just go, or move to New York to indulge in the good & awesomeness of this store:

Sigh, I really love it when I get links to videos or websites from my coworkers at work. But seeing this link my coworker sent me made me wanna sell/trade in my Canon Rebel XTi for this bad boy right here. It's basically like a super duper upgrade of the XTi mixed in with the 5D Mark II. Yes, that means beautiful quality photos & bomb ass videography.

Can anyone help a homie out, please? I'll love you forever! *Smiles*

love at first sight

**Disclaimer:  The following blog might make me seem like a stalker, but I assure you I'm not.  Just in awe, that's all.  Enjoy!**

I think I've died & gone to heaven because I just saw the love of my life click before my eyes.  So, I'm addicted to lookbook & I was just perusing thru the hottest hyped styles to begin my work day.  To my surprise this cutie pie from the west side caught my eye.  Artistic, stylish & musically inclined.  Has all of my wishes come true?  Yes!  I know this may be an obsession & nothing will ever come out of it, but I can stare & dream, right?  And stare & dream all I want is what I'll do.

why?

It feels like my world is crashing down, but will I be strong enough to stand up on my own?  I tend to form close relations with people I never thought I would.  Now that I've become quite attached to these emotional bonds how will it be when they're all gone?  I know no matter what I've only got myself to rely on, but sometimes being alone just doesn't kick it.  I'd rather die than be stranded alone in a deserted island.  No matter how many materialistic possessions I'd own, nothing can ever replace the company of another human being.

Is this one of the many tests of survival of the fittest?

fight the power!

As much as I want to conserve my money & not let my shopaholic urges reign over me, it's hard to resist this site my coworker told me about & these Topshop Style Notes emails I always get.  I fucking love fashion & how it transcends a certain art to it.  I don't know.  I don't really dress that great, but I think I'm well put together.  Am I establishing myself into a trend?  Or am I setting an example out to anyone?  Sometimes I feel others see me as a poser, but I really don't care what people think about me.  This is who I am, & I prefer to express myself the way I do.  I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I hope I'll eventually get the shopping spree I truly deserve.

the end of ethan & aly?

It's been almost three years since I've first laid eyes on him.  The object of my affection.  My guilty pleasure.  He always knew how to ride no matter how rough the terrain.  He's always treated me well... until now.

I never knew I'd feel this way or even have feelings about him.  It's a silly thing to actually think or talk about, but I feel it's so true.  My Scion TC, Ethan.  Yes, a car.  Ridiculous to even give him a name, but it fits him so well.  My first real car that my parents bought me; I treated him well--gassed him up when the time was right, washed & cleaned him almost all the time.  You could say I treated him like a prince.  No, prince is an understatement for this car.  He was more like a king & I was his queen.  We rode away in the sunset, literally.

The first year I had Ethan, things were amazing!  No speeding tickets, no accidents, always just shining bright & clean.  He was invincible!  We were invincible.  I never thought anything would ever happen every time I stepped inside him.

2007 came & so did the end of my nearly four-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend.  My car was there to comfort me with endless drives to sort my thoughts out.  It was also the year where I would have my first ding on my driver's side door, locking my key in my car & the inevitable; my back passenger side window getting smashed on a highway chase back to Richmond.

As if things couldn't have gotten worse.  2008 was the year I couldn't believe would bring me as much bad luck as it did.  I got my first reckless ticket, two more car accidents that weren't my fault (thank gawd they were just rear-end mishaps), and near-death incidents.  I even believe Ethan's gas consumption went up to a point where I would have to fill him up nearly every week!  On top of that, I was going through personal issues that basically got the best of me.

I'm not sure how Ethan & I got to this point.  I feel year after year I've been having the worst luck with him.  Today, as I was about to approach Ethan to have him get me to work I looked at my set of keys and found my car key was nowhere to be found.  I walked back to my apartment to rummage through things in my room & unfortunately my key wasn't anywhere to be spotted.  Not even my spare was in its usual spot where it always is.  I ended up being late to work & now blogging about how much Ethan, my Scion TC.  The car of my dreams?  The love of my life?  Or the one thing that's out to hurt me.  You decide.

*Sidenote:  This video has been cheering me up!  Enjoy!

you tease!

Why does Urban Outfitters always tempt me with their mass emails about the latest collection or shipment of clothes they have?  I love it.  I seriously do, but I'm on a mission to try and save my money since I am a young adult living on my own.  But ahhh!  The clothes, shoes & accessories!  I haven't shopped in over a month, so I'm practically in tears in my head thinking of all the clothes I have to buy on sale when it's past the season.  *Sigh*

In the end, it'll be worth it.

fortunate

I never realized how fortunate it is to be working for the company that I work for.  There are those ups & downs of working, but realizing exactly what brands I help design for is actually pretty dope.

I was checking my email and saw on RueLaLa.com that Taverniti SO Jeans was selling some stuff, & a month or so prior to that Antik had done the same too.  Both brands are the newly added projects to our company & exciting ventures our designers get to experiment with.

I'm not sure where this road I'm going on will lead me, but I hope it'll be a successful trip in the end.

brotherly love

So as most of my friends & family know, I'm a pretty stubborn person & tend to do things on my own/learn things out on my own.  Well, it took me 23 & a half years to figure out how much I really do care & love my brother.

When it comes to siblings, usually they fight & bicker, but in the end everything's cool.  My brother and I weren't like that for a while.  We'd always clash & I would swear how much I'd hate him & wish things that I regret ever saying.  As we got older, I grew more distant towards him as he tried mending things with me.  I could never let go of the fucked up things he's done to me & for that I brushed off any regards for the things he has tried to make up for.

A turning point came into my life about a month ago when I decided to seek help about issues going on with myself.  I figured out things I never thought I'd ever & came to the realization that none of us are getting any younger, & that I should accept things as they are because only letting it build up & explode when I least expect it doesn't fix anything at all.  Yesterday, I did the unexpected & called my mother out of the blue (things are rough between us, but it's slowly getting better).  She told me how my brother got assigned to go to Malawi in Africa for the Peace Corp & how he still needs to confirm that he is going, but we already know he will.  He's going to be there for two years & is going to be shipped out by the end of May.

After getting off the phone with my mother, I called my brother to ask him about all of this.  He told me how it's 99% definite he'll be going.  We then just talked about other things in general & after getting off the phone with him I felt this surge of sadness reigning down on me.  It's hard to imagine not having him around for the next two years.  Despite all we've gone through, he has been there for me no matter how much of a bitch I was to him.  I know everything will be ok in the end, & that all of this will most definitely be a great experience for him.  I'm so happy & proud for him that he's finally getting something he wants to accomplish, even though it's not in the continent he intended it to be.  I just hope before he leaves that he knows how much he matters to me & how grateful I am to have such an awesome brother like him.  I love you, kuya!

...

doWORK

Scroll down til you see the video for a sneak peek into Blac Label's Spring '09 Collection.

LMAO

Ready to laugh?

My Mom is a Fob

it's blitz!

So, the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album is awesome.  I found it to be their more mature indie dance rock album.  I might be biased, though, because they are my favorite band of all time.  But!  "Heads Will Roll" & "Dragon Queen" are definite tracks to check out.

Tracklisting:

1. Zero

2. Heads Will Roll

3. Soft Shock

4. Skeletons

5. Dull Life

6. Shame and Fortune

7. Runaway

8. Dragon Queen

9. Hysteric

10. Little Shadow

**Side note:  DJ Long Jawn's "Brain Drain" mix is sweet!  Check it out on blog.raideradio.com**

Lego Phone Home?

Hot shiet.

werd up!

FFFFound!

...makes me wanna do the worm

inspiration in colors

Thanks, Joel, for this:

Inspiration in...

Find the color that inspires you!

totally a debbie downer

So, I was thinking about being a pescetarian in the near future, but upon reading this article my brother emailed me... it's giving me second thoughts.

Fishing Hurts

oh how i love history

Another reason I shouldn't be ashamed of how I speak or pronounce my words.

Thank You southeastern Virginia:

ODU team records area's accent - English with 'deep roots'

seriously?

Check this out:  www.pixyland.org/peterpan

renaissance age

So, it's been a while since I've blogged & I'm glad to say that I'm back.  2009, let's hope this is my year.

Anyways, I'm at work right now just perusing around some awesome websites & maybe I'm late in discovering this, but The Satorialist is publishing a book!  How spectacular!  I can't wait to read it.  It comes out Sept. of this year (I sense a birthday gift hint here).  I've also become addicted to FFFFOUND!  I'm inspired by the creative things people find & post.

Alright, well this first entry back into the blogging world was quite short & simple, but don't worry.  I'll update later about what else is new.  Until then...