brotherly love

So as most of my friends & family know, I'm a pretty stubborn person & tend to do things on my own/learn things out on my own.  Well, it took me 23 & a half years to figure out how much I really do care & love my brother.

When it comes to siblings, usually they fight & bicker, but in the end everything's cool.  My brother and I weren't like that for a while.  We'd always clash & I would swear how much I'd hate him & wish things that I regret ever saying.  As we got older, I grew more distant towards him as he tried mending things with me.  I could never let go of the fucked up things he's done to me & for that I brushed off any regards for the things he has tried to make up for.

A turning point came into my life about a month ago when I decided to seek help about issues going on with myself.  I figured out things I never thought I'd ever & came to the realization that none of us are getting any younger, & that I should accept things as they are because only letting it build up & explode when I least expect it doesn't fix anything at all.  Yesterday, I did the unexpected & called my mother out of the blue (things are rough between us, but it's slowly getting better).  She told me how my brother got assigned to go to Malawi in Africa for the Peace Corp & how he still needs to confirm that he is going, but we already know he will.  He's going to be there for two years & is going to be shipped out by the end of May.

After getting off the phone with my mother, I called my brother to ask him about all of this.  He told me how it's 99% definite he'll be going.  We then just talked about other things in general & after getting off the phone with him I felt this surge of sadness reigning down on me.  It's hard to imagine not having him around for the next two years.  Despite all we've gone through, he has been there for me no matter how much of a bitch I was to him.  I know everything will be ok in the end, & that all of this will most definitely be a great experience for him.  I'm so happy & proud for him that he's finally getting something he wants to accomplish, even though it's not in the continent he intended it to be.  I just hope before he leaves that he knows how much he matters to me & how grateful I am to have such an awesome brother like him.  I love you, kuya!