what is happiness?

**Disclaimer:  This isn't a fact.  It's merely a theory.  Hope you enjoy!**

About a little over five years ago, a reporter for the 757 column of the Virginian Pilot approached me when I was with my brother at the former Relative Theory records store in Norfolk, VA.  She was asking random cool kids in the store what their definition of happiness was.  Surprisingly, she approached me & asked me what I thought the meaning was.  This was hard.  I pondered for a second & being the naive youth I was simply stated:  "being loved."  At the time, everything had fallen into place in my life & I was in love.  Little do I know now, this was wrong.

Don't get me wrong.  Love is a many splendrous thing.  However, love can be complicated & there are more emotions that come with it besides happiness.  Tonight was one of those nights where I had an epiphany.  Well, I don't think I just realized it at that moment, but I damn well understood it now.  Happiness just isn't being in love or loved.  It's not just having everything in your life fall into place.  It's those small details in life that is happiness.  Think about it.  For me, playing my iPod on shuffle while driving in my car & it so happens all the songs it plays are the perfect songs that play at those exact moments.  Or, finding a random dollar bill in your pocket of something you haven't worn in a while.  Even being there for a friend or family member when you least expect it & the joy you feel just making their day better when you had no intentions of it.  To me, that is happiness.  The minor things in life that we all take for granted.  If only I had known back then what I do now.  I think I'd be a very well-rounded person ahead of her time.

I don't know all the answers in life, but I do know the lessons that come out of it.

random

Sometimes when I'm at work, there tends to be a lot of downtime & moments where I'll be bored, or just try to design something in general. Moments like yesterday got me thinking and this is what I created when I got tired from designing:

Other times when i'm at work just checking my email, I'll get mail from Salemail telling me what brands I like, or might be interested in that are having sales. I hate it because it makes me wanna buy things I don't need, or might, but just isn't the right time to buy it.  It's times like these when I wish a ridiculous amount of money would fall onto my lap out of nowhere.

Then when still at work, there's an email like this that makes me wanna just go, or move to New York to indulge in the good & awesomeness of this store:

Sigh, I really love it when I get links to videos or websites from my coworkers at work. But seeing this link my coworker sent me made me wanna sell/trade in my Canon Rebel XTi for this bad boy right here. It's basically like a super duper upgrade of the XTi mixed in with the 5D Mark II. Yes, that means beautiful quality photos & bomb ass videography.

Can anyone help a homie out, please? I'll love you forever! *Smiles*

love at first sight

**Disclaimer:  The following blog might make me seem like a stalker, but I assure you I'm not.  Just in awe, that's all.  Enjoy!**

I think I've died & gone to heaven because I just saw the love of my life click before my eyes.  So, I'm addicted to lookbook & I was just perusing thru the hottest hyped styles to begin my work day.  To my surprise this cutie pie from the west side caught my eye.  Artistic, stylish & musically inclined.  Has all of my wishes come true?  Yes!  I know this may be an obsession & nothing will ever come out of it, but I can stare & dream, right?  And stare & dream all I want is what I'll do.

why?

It feels like my world is crashing down, but will I be strong enough to stand up on my own?  I tend to form close relations with people I never thought I would.  Now that I've become quite attached to these emotional bonds how will it be when they're all gone?  I know no matter what I've only got myself to rely on, but sometimes being alone just doesn't kick it.  I'd rather die than be stranded alone in a deserted island.  No matter how many materialistic possessions I'd own, nothing can ever replace the company of another human being.

Is this one of the many tests of survival of the fittest?

fight the power!

As much as I want to conserve my money & not let my shopaholic urges reign over me, it's hard to resist this site my coworker told me about & these Topshop Style Notes emails I always get.  I fucking love fashion & how it transcends a certain art to it.  I don't know.  I don't really dress that great, but I think I'm well put together.  Am I establishing myself into a trend?  Or am I setting an example out to anyone?  Sometimes I feel others see me as a poser, but I really don't care what people think about me.  This is who I am, & I prefer to express myself the way I do.  I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I hope I'll eventually get the shopping spree I truly deserve.

the end of ethan & aly?

It's been almost three years since I've first laid eyes on him.  The object of my affection.  My guilty pleasure.  He always knew how to ride no matter how rough the terrain.  He's always treated me well... until now.

I never knew I'd feel this way or even have feelings about him.  It's a silly thing to actually think or talk about, but I feel it's so true.  My Scion TC, Ethan.  Yes, a car.  Ridiculous to even give him a name, but it fits him so well.  My first real car that my parents bought me; I treated him well--gassed him up when the time was right, washed & cleaned him almost all the time.  You could say I treated him like a prince.  No, prince is an understatement for this car.  He was more like a king & I was his queen.  We rode away in the sunset, literally.

The first year I had Ethan, things were amazing!  No speeding tickets, no accidents, always just shining bright & clean.  He was invincible!  We were invincible.  I never thought anything would ever happen every time I stepped inside him.

2007 came & so did the end of my nearly four-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend.  My car was there to comfort me with endless drives to sort my thoughts out.  It was also the year where I would have my first ding on my driver's side door, locking my key in my car & the inevitable; my back passenger side window getting smashed on a highway chase back to Richmond.

As if things couldn't have gotten worse.  2008 was the year I couldn't believe would bring me as much bad luck as it did.  I got my first reckless ticket, two more car accidents that weren't my fault (thank gawd they were just rear-end mishaps), and near-death incidents.  I even believe Ethan's gas consumption went up to a point where I would have to fill him up nearly every week!  On top of that, I was going through personal issues that basically got the best of me.

I'm not sure how Ethan & I got to this point.  I feel year after year I've been having the worst luck with him.  Today, as I was about to approach Ethan to have him get me to work I looked at my set of keys and found my car key was nowhere to be found.  I walked back to my apartment to rummage through things in my room & unfortunately my key wasn't anywhere to be spotted.  Not even my spare was in its usual spot where it always is.  I ended up being late to work & now blogging about how much Ethan, my Scion TC.  The car of my dreams?  The love of my life?  Or the one thing that's out to hurt me.  You decide.

*Sidenote:  This video has been cheering me up!  Enjoy!

you tease!

Why does Urban Outfitters always tempt me with their mass emails about the latest collection or shipment of clothes they have?  I love it.  I seriously do, but I'm on a mission to try and save my money since I am a young adult living on my own.  But ahhh!  The clothes, shoes & accessories!  I haven't shopped in over a month, so I'm practically in tears in my head thinking of all the clothes I have to buy on sale when it's past the season.  *Sigh*

In the end, it'll be worth it.

fortunate

I never realized how fortunate it is to be working for the company that I work for.  There are those ups & downs of working, but realizing exactly what brands I help design for is actually pretty dope.

I was checking my email and saw on RueLaLa.com that Taverniti SO Jeans was selling some stuff, & a month or so prior to that Antik had done the same too.  Both brands are the newly added projects to our company & exciting ventures our designers get to experiment with.

I'm not sure where this road I'm going on will lead me, but I hope it'll be a successful trip in the end.

brotherly love

So as most of my friends & family know, I'm a pretty stubborn person & tend to do things on my own/learn things out on my own.  Well, it took me 23 & a half years to figure out how much I really do care & love my brother.

When it comes to siblings, usually they fight & bicker, but in the end everything's cool.  My brother and I weren't like that for a while.  We'd always clash & I would swear how much I'd hate him & wish things that I regret ever saying.  As we got older, I grew more distant towards him as he tried mending things with me.  I could never let go of the fucked up things he's done to me & for that I brushed off any regards for the things he has tried to make up for.

A turning point came into my life about a month ago when I decided to seek help about issues going on with myself.  I figured out things I never thought I'd ever & came to the realization that none of us are getting any younger, & that I should accept things as they are because only letting it build up & explode when I least expect it doesn't fix anything at all.  Yesterday, I did the unexpected & called my mother out of the blue (things are rough between us, but it's slowly getting better).  She told me how my brother got assigned to go to Malawi in Africa for the Peace Corp & how he still needs to confirm that he is going, but we already know he will.  He's going to be there for two years & is going to be shipped out by the end of May.

After getting off the phone with my mother, I called my brother to ask him about all of this.  He told me how it's 99% definite he'll be going.  We then just talked about other things in general & after getting off the phone with him I felt this surge of sadness reigning down on me.  It's hard to imagine not having him around for the next two years.  Despite all we've gone through, he has been there for me no matter how much of a bitch I was to him.  I know everything will be ok in the end, & that all of this will most definitely be a great experience for him.  I'm so happy & proud for him that he's finally getting something he wants to accomplish, even though it's not in the continent he intended it to be.  I just hope before he leaves that he knows how much he matters to me & how grateful I am to have such an awesome brother like him.  I love you, kuya!

...

doWORK

Scroll down til you see the video for a sneak peek into Blac Label's Spring '09 Collection.

LMAO

Ready to laugh?

My Mom is a Fob

it's blitz!

So, the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album is awesome.  I found it to be their more mature indie dance rock album.  I might be biased, though, because they are my favorite band of all time.  But!  "Heads Will Roll" & "Dragon Queen" are definite tracks to check out.

Tracklisting:

1. Zero

2. Heads Will Roll

3. Soft Shock

4. Skeletons

5. Dull Life

6. Shame and Fortune

7. Runaway

8. Dragon Queen

9. Hysteric

10. Little Shadow

**Side note:  DJ Long Jawn's "Brain Drain" mix is sweet!  Check it out on blog.raideradio.com**