weekend lessons

*Denotes a conglomerate of people I truly care about

Another weekend gone & already I'm anticipating for next weekend to roll by.  However, I don't have to wait for the weekend to come since I'll be enjoying the California sun come this Wednesday.  Finally, an actual vacation from the real world... sorta.  Although I'll be living it up, mostly with family, on the West coast, I'll definitely miss the ones I care about.  Yes, that's correct.  You* :]

This weekend, like most that have passed, was one to remember.  Roaming around Hampton Roads to run errands, support a friend, fine dine (ok, so it wasn't that classy, but it was still dining & fine to me) with eclectic minds, hang out with people you normally would not, or have not seen in a while.  Basically, having an adventure that is not only an experience gained, but a life lesson learned.

So, what's this lesson I've learned you wonder?  It's similar to all the lessons I've learned actually.  Life's too short to dwell in the past.  Look at what you've got now & work that into your future.  Besides this point, I've also learned that there's nothing wrong in taking risks... when it comes to love.  I finally got to hang out with my virgo connection & we saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  I thought it was an excellent movie & it made me wonder about love & the silly things it does to you.  I'm not gonna lie, I've done stupid things for love, but at what cost?  Only to feel a temporary high & then once it's gone, only to feel at a low point of your life waiting for the next high to come again.  Sounds like a drug & honestly, I don't wanna be hurt because you know, that's what drugs can do.  Then again, it's love & who wants to find themselves alone?

For a while, I've found myself at this position.  Fighting the mixed emotions of wanting to & then not caring to be loved again.  You've always got to look out for #1, right?  Only care about yourself since that's what matters in the end.  Well, as I'm typing out these words, that still stands true in my heart, but it doesn't hurt to let your guard down every once in a while to let love in.  Especially when it's that love that is/was true to your heart.  No matter what happens.  No matter what risks I take, or the opportunities I allow or pass up on.  I'll give love a chance not because it's what everyone wants, nor because it's something we all can't live without.  I'll simply take it as what I feel in my heart because it's always the intuition that knows what's best.  And usually that's the most honest things will get (it's funny to know I now know the meaning of what these love songs the Beatles, Lenny Kravitz & other artists sang about.  Yes, they really do have an actual meaning & aren't just catchy tunes forever embedded in your head).

Life is simple.  It really is.  It's like a puzzle.  Once you figure it out, the rest is easy.  How is it we form these little implications that make it complicated?  I guess that's where boredom & drama come in.

what is happiness?

**Disclaimer:  This isn't a fact.  It's merely a theory.  Hope you enjoy!**

About a little over five years ago, a reporter for the 757 column of the Virginian Pilot approached me when I was with my brother at the former Relative Theory records store in Norfolk, VA.  She was asking random cool kids in the store what their definition of happiness was.  Surprisingly, she approached me & asked me what I thought the meaning was.  This was hard.  I pondered for a second & being the naive youth I was simply stated:  "being loved."  At the time, everything had fallen into place in my life & I was in love.  Little do I know now, this was wrong.

Don't get me wrong.  Love is a many splendrous thing.  However, love can be complicated & there are more emotions that come with it besides happiness.  Tonight was one of those nights where I had an epiphany.  Well, I don't think I just realized it at that moment, but I damn well understood it now.  Happiness just isn't being in love or loved.  It's not just having everything in your life fall into place.  It's those small details in life that is happiness.  Think about it.  For me, playing my iPod on shuffle while driving in my car & it so happens all the songs it plays are the perfect songs that play at those exact moments.  Or, finding a random dollar bill in your pocket of something you haven't worn in a while.  Even being there for a friend or family member when you least expect it & the joy you feel just making their day better when you had no intentions of it.  To me, that is happiness.  The minor things in life that we all take for granted.  If only I had known back then what I do now.  I think I'd be a very well-rounded person ahead of her time.

I don't know all the answers in life, but I do know the lessons that come out of it.

love at first sight

**Disclaimer:  The following blog might make me seem like a stalker, but I assure you I'm not.  Just in awe, that's all.  Enjoy!**

I think I've died & gone to heaven because I just saw the love of my life click before my eyes.  So, I'm addicted to lookbook & I was just perusing thru the hottest hyped styles to begin my work day.  To my surprise this cutie pie from the west side caught my eye.  Artistic, stylish & musically inclined.  Has all of my wishes come true?  Yes!  I know this may be an obsession & nothing will ever come out of it, but I can stare & dream, right?  And stare & dream all I want is what I'll do.

brotherly love

So as most of my friends & family know, I'm a pretty stubborn person & tend to do things on my own/learn things out on my own.  Well, it took me 23 & a half years to figure out how much I really do care & love my brother.

When it comes to siblings, usually they fight & bicker, but in the end everything's cool.  My brother and I weren't like that for a while.  We'd always clash & I would swear how much I'd hate him & wish things that I regret ever saying.  As we got older, I grew more distant towards him as he tried mending things with me.  I could never let go of the fucked up things he's done to me & for that I brushed off any regards for the things he has tried to make up for.

A turning point came into my life about a month ago when I decided to seek help about issues going on with myself.  I figured out things I never thought I'd ever & came to the realization that none of us are getting any younger, & that I should accept things as they are because only letting it build up & explode when I least expect it doesn't fix anything at all.  Yesterday, I did the unexpected & called my mother out of the blue (things are rough between us, but it's slowly getting better).  She told me how my brother got assigned to go to Malawi in Africa for the Peace Corp & how he still needs to confirm that he is going, but we already know he will.  He's going to be there for two years & is going to be shipped out by the end of May.

After getting off the phone with my mother, I called my brother to ask him about all of this.  He told me how it's 99% definite he'll be going.  We then just talked about other things in general & after getting off the phone with him I felt this surge of sadness reigning down on me.  It's hard to imagine not having him around for the next two years.  Despite all we've gone through, he has been there for me no matter how much of a bitch I was to him.  I know everything will be ok in the end, & that all of this will most definitely be a great experience for him.  I'm so happy & proud for him that he's finally getting something he wants to accomplish, even though it's not in the continent he intended it to be.  I just hope before he leaves that he knows how much he matters to me & how grateful I am to have such an awesome brother like him.  I love you, kuya!

it's been a while

I understand it's been a while since I've last updated.  I've somewhat occupied myself with projects to do/freelance for creative gigs on Craigslist.  I've also joined a gym, so that's taken a lot of my free time on weekdays when I get the chance to actually go.

But, this blog isn't an update of where I've been & of all the adventures I ventured off to.

I just don't know anymore.  I feel I'm at the end, but I know I shouldn't let this stop me dead in my tracks.  It's nothing big, nor that much of an importance.  At least it shouldn't be anyhow.  I'm just tired.  Tired of trying.  Tired of waiting.  Tired of everything going on that I want to forget about it.  I want it to go away with just the thought of it, or a blink from my eye.  On the other end, though, I don't want it to end.  I don't want it to seem like a waste & forget it all.  I don't want to be something that has been & will never be.   I always feel like I'm running in circles & that I'm not going anywhere in life.  But, sometimes that's not always the solution for people.  To stop cold turkey.  Completely shut it out.  Maybe I care too much.  It's in my nature to be that way.  I wish things could finally go my way because damn it I deserve it!  This year has been one of my worst so why can't I finally be happy like everyone else?

I wish these were better times where things could be the way they should be.

where in the world is aly san diego?

Many apologies for the very much delayed update (& the novel of the blog I'm about to post).  I've been somewhat busy.  Ok, so not really.  I've been really lazy & a bit out of it lately.  Nothing new has been going on with me, except I did paper mache for the first time & got a haircut.  I'm also currently borrowing a sewing machine to bring the crafty side out of me.  Anywho...

Maude keeps falling off the tower of my desktop Mac Pro at work.  I wish whoever designed this Kidrobot toy didn't make her feet so damn small so she can actually balance when free-standing.  Her little machete broke, so now it looks like she's just holding a sushi roll (which I suppose is acceptable since her head is shaped like a fish, or so my co-worker says).

I heard the latest Bloc Party album Intimacy, & I must say I'm disappointed.  Although, I like Silent Alarm the best, I enjoyed Weekend In the City & saw it as a fresh change from their debut album.  After hearing their recent album, however, I felt it was just put together without any thought or concept.  They tried adding more synths & experimental sounds, but it just ended sounding like they overdid it.  Well, at least the sound does go with the album title.  Or well, it reminded me of love (feel-good, spontaneous, careless).  Maybe that's what they were going for.  If so, then wow!  That's an interesting concept, however I don't think I'll appreciate Intimacy as much as their previous albums.  Overall, it's catchy.

**Disclaimer:  I'm not an official music critic, so don't take my word for word.  This is purely my own personal opinion.**

I went to Ulta for the first time last Saturday.  It was great!  Since it was still their grand opening week/weekend, I got some free stuff.  I love free things!  Looks like I, too, am a fan of this beauty store.