sigh

The weekend is ending & although I do enjoy my time to relax & socialize with friends, I'm eager to go back to work.  Weekends aren't usually that special to me.  Most of the time I find myself at home while the rest of my family is out & about.  I mean this isn't that bad since I get to focus on me & have downtime, but sometimes I feel kind of alone & separate from whatever world it is I'm living.  I don't know.  I usually make the effort to do things with friends & I'm starting to get tired of it.  I wish the same was given to me in return.  And once again, this is the reason why I don't like the weekends... it makes me think too much & overanalyze things (especially when I'm alone). 

Anyways, I'm dreading for my birthday to come.  Why?  I don't know.  It's not so much the thought of turning a year older, but more of the thought that it will be my birthday.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but that's how I feel.  I don't really care that it will be my birthday.  That sounds so depressing, & a bit pessimistic, but it's just another day.  This may sound a bit contradicting too since I did plan to have dinner on my birthday, but I figured since this will be the first time in a while since I've had my birthday back home I should do something for it.

Random Thoughts:

I've been pretending & tricking myself to think things are ok, but I know they're not.  I want things to be ok, but it's hard trying.  I miss doing art & being more creative.  I've lost my motivation & don't know where to start.  I've been reading & it's got me thinking in a fantasy.  Music has been my outlet, & I don't know what'd I do without my iPod.  I think too much & I don't know how to stop.  I wish I could move on already...

Music that inspired this blog:

These songs were actually from my Random Mix playlist:

Thao Nguyen//Beat (Health, Life & Fire)

The Church//Under the Milky Way

Tegan & Sara//Walking With A Ghost

M83//We Own the Sky

The Cure//The Walk

My American Heart//All My Friends

Echo & The Bunnymen//The Killing Moon

The Shins//Caring is Creepy

Cut Copy//Nobody Lost, Nobody Found

Yeah Yeah Yeahs//Turn Into

Radiohead//Reckoner

Santogold//Shove It (Feat. Spank Rock)

New Order//Age Of Consent