weekend lessons

*Denotes a conglomerate of people I truly care about

Another weekend gone & already I'm anticipating for next weekend to roll by.  However, I don't have to wait for the weekend to come since I'll be enjoying the California sun come this Wednesday.  Finally, an actual vacation from the real world... sorta.  Although I'll be living it up, mostly with family, on the West coast, I'll definitely miss the ones I care about.  Yes, that's correct.  You* :]

This weekend, like most that have passed, was one to remember.  Roaming around Hampton Roads to run errands, support a friend, fine dine (ok, so it wasn't that classy, but it was still dining & fine to me) with eclectic minds, hang out with people you normally would not, or have not seen in a while.  Basically, having an adventure that is not only an experience gained, but a life lesson learned.

So, what's this lesson I've learned you wonder?  It's similar to all the lessons I've learned actually.  Life's too short to dwell in the past.  Look at what you've got now & work that into your future.  Besides this point, I've also learned that there's nothing wrong in taking risks... when it comes to love.  I finally got to hang out with my virgo connection & we saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  I thought it was an excellent movie & it made me wonder about love & the silly things it does to you.  I'm not gonna lie, I've done stupid things for love, but at what cost?  Only to feel a temporary high & then once it's gone, only to feel at a low point of your life waiting for the next high to come again.  Sounds like a drug & honestly, I don't wanna be hurt because you know, that's what drugs can do.  Then again, it's love & who wants to find themselves alone?

For a while, I've found myself at this position.  Fighting the mixed emotions of wanting to & then not caring to be loved again.  You've always got to look out for #1, right?  Only care about yourself since that's what matters in the end.  Well, as I'm typing out these words, that still stands true in my heart, but it doesn't hurt to let your guard down every once in a while to let love in.  Especially when it's that love that is/was true to your heart.  No matter what happens.  No matter what risks I take, or the opportunities I allow or pass up on.  I'll give love a chance not because it's what everyone wants, nor because it's something we all can't live without.  I'll simply take it as what I feel in my heart because it's always the intuition that knows what's best.  And usually that's the most honest things will get (it's funny to know I now know the meaning of what these love songs the Beatles, Lenny Kravitz & other artists sang about.  Yes, they really do have an actual meaning & aren't just catchy tunes forever embedded in your head).

Life is simple.  It really is.  It's like a puzzle.  Once you figure it out, the rest is easy.  How is it we form these little implications that make it complicated?  I guess that's where boredom & drama come in.

untitled

As I sit here at work listening to The Smiths & attempting to design another shirt, I find myself at ease.  Not necessarily at peace, but just calm.  My horoscope, as usual, is correct.  Despite everything going on around me, I can sense everything is somewhat at a standstill.  I'm not sure as to what it is I have all my energies at a halt for, but whatever it is I hope it gets me to a point in my life where I'll have everything I've deserved & that I am satisfied.  This sounds like I'm talking about the end of the world.  Is it?  It seems as if we've come across an unknown frontier.

The future is coming.  Are you ready for it?  I think I'm just about ready to embrace it.

the times they are a changin'

**Disclaimer: The following blog is composed of raw opinions that shouldn't be taken serious, but most definitely considered. Apologies for the random rambling in advance**

Sorry it's been a while since I've last posted a blog. Surprisingly, my life has been busy even though it's more of my social life that's got me occupied, & not work or side projects I've yet to start/complete.

Things have started to look up for me lately. Well, actually it hasn't been that recent. More like a month or so ago. I've been able to look at the world at different perspectives & begun to understand that there's more out there in the world no matter how difficult the struggles you're going through can be. Although I have been good in keeping my thoughts positive & not let negativity ruin them, today was a different story.

Maybe it was the people around me, the change in the weather, or maybe there's no real reason at all, but today felt like a day where I could just leave it all. Suicidal or not? Sounds a bit like it, but honestly I have no reason to take my own life. I have a good job, friends & family that love me & definitely a lot more opportunities coming in my way. Take it however you may, I just feel so... asldkf;jasl;fj;alsjf;ajflaj. There's actually no specific word to pin it, but maybe explaining how I feel can help define it.

You know the feeling you get when you just don't care anymore? Not because you're sad, mad, depressed, etc. Or the feeling that sometimes it's better to be alone or better off without this & that because, really, you ARE better than whatever it is you're better than? I'm not sure if all of this is making sense, but that's just how I feel. It's not really towards a particular person or thing, or a situation of that matter. It's literally just how I feel. Maybe the word I'm looking for is a word synonymous to indifferent. Or maybe that is the word I'm looking for.

I feel like wandering for miles around the Earth. Taking in the sights & sounds, & appreciating the little details that entail this journey of life. I think this is just what I need. To get out of where I am & to expand my mind with what else makes this the world the way it is. Is this what a quarter-century life crisis is? Or am I starting to believe that there is no hope for society & that is why we are all so fixated on pop culture & its trends? I don't know. Sometimes I think no one ever really knows what I'm saying or thinking & I think it's sad. I wish people would see how much more there is out there because then I'd have someone else to talk about philosophical things & know that life isn't so predictable. I mean, I'm no revolutionist or saint with the way I'm talking about what I'm talking about because I definitely find myself indulging in pop culture trends, but hey! I'm only human.

I seriously think I just need a vacation...

Life may be predictable 99% of the time, but it's that 1% that makes you wonder why that is & most definitely is the reason why.

what is happiness?

**Disclaimer:  This isn't a fact.  It's merely a theory.  Hope you enjoy!**

About a little over five years ago, a reporter for the 757 column of the Virginian Pilot approached me when I was with my brother at the former Relative Theory records store in Norfolk, VA.  She was asking random cool kids in the store what their definition of happiness was.  Surprisingly, she approached me & asked me what I thought the meaning was.  This was hard.  I pondered for a second & being the naive youth I was simply stated:  "being loved."  At the time, everything had fallen into place in my life & I was in love.  Little do I know now, this was wrong.

Don't get me wrong.  Love is a many splendrous thing.  However, love can be complicated & there are more emotions that come with it besides happiness.  Tonight was one of those nights where I had an epiphany.  Well, I don't think I just realized it at that moment, but I damn well understood it now.  Happiness just isn't being in love or loved.  It's not just having everything in your life fall into place.  It's those small details in life that is happiness.  Think about it.  For me, playing my iPod on shuffle while driving in my car & it so happens all the songs it plays are the perfect songs that play at those exact moments.  Or, finding a random dollar bill in your pocket of something you haven't worn in a while.  Even being there for a friend or family member when you least expect it & the joy you feel just making their day better when you had no intentions of it.  To me, that is happiness.  The minor things in life that we all take for granted.  If only I had known back then what I do now.  I think I'd be a very well-rounded person ahead of her time.

I don't know all the answers in life, but I do know the lessons that come out of it.

random

Sometimes when I'm at work, there tends to be a lot of downtime & moments where I'll be bored, or just try to design something in general. Moments like yesterday got me thinking and this is what I created when I got tired from designing:

Other times when i'm at work just checking my email, I'll get mail from Salemail telling me what brands I like, or might be interested in that are having sales. I hate it because it makes me wanna buy things I don't need, or might, but just isn't the right time to buy it.  It's times like these when I wish a ridiculous amount of money would fall onto my lap out of nowhere.

Then when still at work, there's an email like this that makes me wanna just go, or move to New York to indulge in the good & awesomeness of this store:

Sigh, I really love it when I get links to videos or websites from my coworkers at work. But seeing this link my coworker sent me made me wanna sell/trade in my Canon Rebel XTi for this bad boy right here. It's basically like a super duper upgrade of the XTi mixed in with the 5D Mark II. Yes, that means beautiful quality photos & bomb ass videography.

Can anyone help a homie out, please? I'll love you forever! *Smiles*